Grahastha Ashram (the householder stage), the second of the four stages of life begins when a man and a woman marry and start a household. For a Hindu marriage is the only way to continue the family and thereby repay his debt to his/her ancestors.

In Hindu view, marriage is not a concession to human weakness, but a means for spiritual growth. Man and woman are soul mates who, through the institution of marriage, can direct the energy associated with their individual instincts and passion into the progress of their souls. The marriage ceremony has various stages:

i. Selection of the Couple:

1. In arranged marriages, the bride and bridegroom are generally selected and chosen by parents or the elders. Being experienced and elderly people, they can perhaps better evaluate the merits of the partners. Left on their own, the boy and the girl, being young, can be led to more transitory rather than long lasting and valuable considerations.

2. This system of selection by the parents has been criticized because it has been seen that in many cases, parents seek matches on the basis of superior social status and more wealth which would add to their prestige, rather than compatibility on biological or psychological grounds. It is, therefore highly desirable that the boy and the girl should be consulted and the reasons for the selection of jeevansathi discussed with them.

3. Today the young boys and girls have a deep desire of a perfect marriage. In their would-be jeevansathi, the youngsters want a beautiful face, unmitigated love, devotion and fidelity and also camaraderie and complete self expression. The reality of marriage is not foreseen and when it fails, they put the blame on the parents instead of upon the excessive and naïve demands they make on the marriage.

4. The parents are morally bound to find mates for their children and the children are obliged to accept the parental choice. The marriage among Hindus is considered a union between two families rather than between two young people. However, two considerations are mostly followed-that the mates must be chosen outside the family and must be within the religion/caste. However, western culture has heavily influenced the youngsters and traditional customs are being ignored in the modern age.

ii. The Betrothal:

1. When the selection of the boy for a bridegroom and of the girl for the bride have been investigated and the betrothal decided on, an auspicious day is fixed for its celebration. This should not normally take place in the month of Posh (December), Kartik (October) or Chetna (March), when Venus and Jupiter are on the wane, during the shhradas, annual or general, interrelated months or when the Venus and the Jupiter are in the same rasa. Sundays, Tuesdays and Saturdays are also avoided at times. The ideal time for betrothal is during the following Nakshatras (asterisms): Phalgun (January-February), Bhadrapada (August-September) and June-August.

2. On the appointed day, the boy’s party goes to the girl’s house and the both parties are seated, while Brahmins recite the Mangla Charan (benedictory prayer) and Shri Ganesh is worshipped, kept in a brass dish. Rice is sprinkled on Ganesh and the boy’s party. Sometimes red coloured water is also sprinkled over them. The girl’s guardian (the father, paternal grandfather, brother, one of the same family and lastly the mother) then announces that the girl, is dan (gift) by word of mouth, and this is the essence of the betrothal contract. It is now irrevocable, and there is a very strong feeling against breaking it. When once the promise has passed the lips of the girl’s guardian, it can only be withdrawn under grave circumstances. The a janev (scared thread), fruits, flowers and some clothes are given to the boy by the girl’s guardian. The girl’s Brahmin applies tilak to the boy and his kinsmen. The boy’s parents and kinsmen make gifts to Brahmins and distribute sweets and money amongst them.

3. Among the Hindus betrothal is a contract and is, as a rule, an indispensable preliminary to the marriage of a girl. If a woman, once married, is remarried on account of divorce or widowhood, the ceremonies performed in the first betrothal are not performed so religiously.

4. A promise of marriage (betrothal) cannot be enforced by a suit for specific performance, but a refusal to complete a betrothal or a promise of marriage by an actual marriage would give the injured party a right to recover from the person making the promise, compensation for the loss, if any, sustained by the breach of promise. In case of such breach, a father or guardian, would be entitled to recover money properly spent in contemplation of such marriage. Should the girl die before the marriage, the bridegroom is entitled to recover back the presents given by him to her, subject to paying such expenses as have been incurred.

5. As a rule, among Hindus, priority of betrothal gives the girl a social, though not legal, claim to be married first, that is to be married before the fiance takes another wife. The reason is that in a Hindu household, the first married wife, occupies a more or less privileged position, as against Muslims, where all the four wives are, in the eye of the law at least, absolutely equal.

iii. Pre-Marriage Ceremonies:

1. After betrothal, before a marriage takes place and is given legal effect, certain ceremonies are required to be observed. These ceremonies differ from community to community and from place to place. These ceremonies, sometimes, may look surprising, nevertheless, they are regarded indispensable, as well as highly religious and significant. These are purely social and are meant to increase intimacy between the two families. The boy’s father sends sweets etc. for the girl on festivals. These she returns with some money. Later the boy’s father sends her ornaments; these too are returned with some cash and clothes, only three or four trinklets are retained.

7. The next ceremony is handing over a purse full of money to the bride, and she is at liberty to take as much as she likes. This signifies that , you know, the husband entrusts to the care of the wife all his worldly goods. She then promises that she will spend nothing without his knowledge.

8. One of the after-marriage very popular ceremony, observed in all Hindu marriages is Kangana Khelna. In a large dish, milky water, some colour and Durba grass is put. The bride and the bridegroom are made to sit opposite each other, on the sides of the dish. Then both of them are asked to pick out the ring, which is spontaneously thrown in milky water. After a few rounds, the brides opens the knots of the sacred thread tied on the wrist of the bridegroom at the commencement of the wedding ceremonies. This is the last rite of a Hindu marriage.

9. After a stay of few days, the girl returns to her father’s house. The husband visits his father-in-law’s house and returns with his wife. This is called Muqlawa. The grehastha life then continues.

v. Beautification of the Couple:

1. In every part of the world and in all religions, the bride is decorated-beautified-so as to make her attractive. Some races believe that the decoration should be such as should avoid evil eye. In come tribes, it is believed that the bride should look horrible so that the ghosts get frightened, but mostly she is decorated to look beautiful.

2. In India, among the Hindus, the bride is beautified with mehndi (turmeric paste) applied in artistic designs on her hands and alta (red colour) applied on her feet. Black lamp (kajal) is applied on her eyes, a red small disc (bindi) is fixed on her forehead, ear rings are put in her ears, an ornament (nath) is put on her nose. Anklets adore her feet. Before her decoration, she is rubbed with gram dal paste (besan) in oil and then she takes a bath. After a bath, she is decorated with ornaments. She puts on gorgeous fast coloured clothes, usually of red colour and sometimes green. In some, regions, ivory bangles (chooda) is also put on. Around the waist, a girdle of silver or gold is put around, called kandhoni. On the fingers of the feet, small designed silver ornaments, called bichhua are put on. The decoration is such as to cover all exposed parts of the body of the bride. Since old times, she came out with a long drawn head cloth over the face, but in the modern times, this had changed to just cover the head with the face exposed.

3. The decoration of the bridegroom is limited to applying mehndi on his hands and putting on a turban, usually of a light red or pink colour. On the previous day, he is also given a massage with Besan in oil. His near relatives, particularly the father, also put on pink coloured turban. In central India, particularly among the tribes, there is a system of tattooing over the body, as is common among African tribes, but among the tribes in northern India, Bihar or the south, this system does not exist. The bridegroom covers his face with a garland called sehra. His costume is ordinary and simple. His jewellery is a ring or two on the fingers and a gold necklace. Among the royal families, small jewel earnings are put on.

3. Milni Ceremony: A few days before the wedding, on an auspicious day, the milni ceremony is performed. Girl’s people send trays of sweets to the boy’s house. Females do not go with these gifts, only males. They are received by the boy’s relatives, assembled for the purpose. The Milni (to meet) is then performed, the girl’s party standing on one side and the boy’s on the other. The girl’s people present money, ornaments to the boy’s people and Salami (token money) are offered. The counterparts of both sides meet, embrace and offer token money. Nowadays, this ceremony is performed just before the marriage party enters the wedding hall.

4. Ghodi Ceremony (Riding a Mare): Before the marriage party (barat) proceeds to the girl’s house, a mare is sent to the boys house. The bridegroom rides the mare and a small younger brother/ cousin (sarwala) sits behind the bridegroom. The women and relatives in the boy’s house, bless the boy and give him and the younger one money. After this ceremony at the boy’s house is over, the boy, accompanied by relatives and friends (baratis), proceed to the girl’s house singing and dancing to the tunes of the band, under the shade of glittering lights.

5. After the marriage party reaches the bride’s house, the boy dismounts the mare and is led to the inner chambers. The Milni is performed and then the rest of the marriage party sits in the auditorium, where some entertainment and light refreshment are served. A practice, that like is being performed now is that the boy, before reaching the inner chambers, exchanges garland with the bride (varmala ceremony).

iv. The Marriage Performance:

1. The marriage party goes to the dining hall. The bridegroom in the inner chambers is surrounded by girls and other females of the bride’s house, who jest with him. The girl and her parents observe fast, on this day, till the time after Saptapadi (seven steps ceremony). The boy’s side (the bridegroom and his parents) also, sometimes observe fast.

2. When the auspicious moment for the Lagan draws near, the boy goes to the Vedi (the place decorated with banana tree trunks under the open sky) and the marriage ceremony starts. The boy is seated on a wooden seat and by his side, the girl is also seated. On one side of the couple, the parents of the girl sit, opposite the father/ guardian of the boy sit. On the fourth side, the two priests of either side sit. After yajna with recitation of Vedic mantras, a piece of long cloth hanging on the shoulder of the boy, is tethered to a corner of the dupatta (head cover) of the girl. The couple is then made to stand up and they go around the fire seven times (Saptapadi), which includes three steps led by the bride and the other steps by the bridegroom. When the seventh round of the consecrated fire has been taken, the marriage becomes complete and binding under the law. Before the seventh step is taken, marriage is incomplete and may be revoked. Thus the performance of Saptapadi is an essential condition of Hindu marriage. During the ceremony and before the seven steps, the priest makes the couple take oaths of responsibilities and duties of a husband and wife. Each round (in all seven) consisted of seven steps, the bridegroom saying to the bride: “Take thou one step for the acquirement of force; take thou two steps for strength; take thou three steps for the increase of wealth; take thou four steps for well being; take thou fifth step for offspring; take thou sixth step for the seasons; take thou seventh step as a friend; be faithfully devoted to me; may we obtain many sons; may they attain to a good old age.” Then bringing both their heads into close juxtaposition, someone sprinkles water on them from a jar.

3. The wedding rite having been gone through, the Khat Pujan is next performed. The bride and the bridegroom are seated on a bed with all presents and gifts given to them.

4. The boy is asked by the bride’s kinswomen to recite a Chhanda (couplet), for which he is nominally paid (another zest of the bride’s friends).

5. The couple, led by the bridegroom, to whose long cloth has been tied the headdress corner of the bride, leads out of the house of the bride to the doli (carriage). She is seated inside, often with a little girl, to give her company. The bride, on leaving her house, while meeting her father, mother and other kinsmen starts crying, which is continued, even when she gets seated in the carriage. When the departing procession starts, bride’s kinsmen go for a certain distance, then they return. The Bridegroom’s party with the bride go to their house.

The worlds third largest religion is Hinduism according to Carolyn Mordecai, author of "Weddings Dating and Love Customs of Cultures World Wide Including Royalty".

The Hindu ceremony consists of the priest or brahmin officiating.The bride and groom stand on a decorated wood plank and the priests holds a curtain between them. The bridal party stands behind the bride. The priest chants songs and guest shower rice and other grains over the couple.

The wedding begins when the curtain is removed and garllands of sandlewood chips are placed around the neck of the bride and groom.

The brides father gives her to the groom and then they perform an upliftment of Dharma. there are three Purusharthas: Dharma meaning right conduct, Artha for prosperity and Karma for the enjoyment of legitiment gratification.

The Marriage Symbols:

The bride applies sandlewood paste to the grooms forehead, the groom then applies a red mark on the brides forehead to display for as long as they are married.Then puffed rice and purified butter from the hands of the bride and groom are thrown into the fire.This represents the radiant one. Then the darkness is removed by the priest chanting matras, which are blessings.

Vows:

The vows are made before the fire that represent the diety. The groom vows to always include his wife and consult her. The groom takes his brides hand and leads her around the fire he steps closer to her they walk along where rice is heaped to one side. Holding hands they take the sapta padi. a seven step symbolic journey through life. Around the sacred fire pot they agree to:

Earn a living for their family and respect their abundance

Live a healthy life style for each other

Be concerned for partners welfare

Live together as friends. enjoy happiness and friendship throughout their lives

To eat and drink with each other and be with each other on special occasions

Desire children for whom they will be responsible and love

Adapt to the other persons at any given time and place

The groom recites traditional mantras to the bride. Cotton is tied around the bride and groom while a blessing of a long happy life are given. The bride washes her hands and the bride and groom pray that their prosperity will be fulfilled.

The groom places a floral necklace around his brides neck. this represents love. The bride then accompanies the groom to the Hindu activities. Another wedding necklace of silver or gold with semi-circles and black beads from both families. symbolic of the union of the two families. is also worn.

The Hindu marriage ceremony consists of several steps. The following is a description of this colorful and unique ceremony. This is a generalized wedding ceremony, and there are regional and community variations. Some of the steps may be omitted or added from the following list based on local and family customs.

Pre Marriage :

Mahendi and Peethi

The Marriage Ceremony

Pre Marriage :

Mahendi and PeethiA day before the wedding the palm and feet of the bride are decorated with "Mahendi". A canopy or mandapa decorated with flowers is erected at the place of wedding. On the wedding morning, various ablutionary rituals are performed on both the bride and the groom in their own homes. Their bodies are anointed with turmeric, sandalwood paste and oils, which cleanse the body, soften the skin, and make it aromatic. They are then bathed to the chanting of Vedic mantras. The Marriage CeremonyIn a mandapa - canopy or marriage stage decorated with flowers and with a fire as witness the Hindu Marriage Ceremony begins. It is a long and elaborate ceremony, with every step rooted in vedic tradition, signifying various aspects of live that is to follow after the marriage. Gruhapravesha - Entering the Home The couple depart from the girl’s house after the vidai, for the groom’s house. They carry behind the couple the sacred fire in a vessel. They should keep the re constantly alight. When they reach his house, he says: "Enter with your right foot. Do not remain outside." The bride enters the home placing the right foot - considered auspicious, first. When the bride and the groom enter the groom's house, the mother of the groom welcomes the bride by doing an aarati. They sit in silence until the stars are visible.

Steps: 1. Arrange the proposal so that the whole family feels included in the event. In this way, you will receive approval from elders, and the family will also be able to determine whether they think you and your partner are compatible for marriage.

2. Check with an astrologer to match your horoscopes and determine an auspicious date and location for the wedding. Many Hindu ceremonies take place at the bride's house or at a hall.

3. Decide if you (or they) will have guests sit on the floor, as is typical at Hindu weddings, or whether you would prefer to go the more modern route and provide chairs.

4. Include the 15 rituals that traditionally make up a Hindu wedding ceremony. Or, if you prefer, select only those that have special meaning for you as a couple.

11. Offer food to the gods during the ceremony to obtain their blessings. (In the Hindu religion, there is one supreme being, with all other gods being aspects of this one.)

12. Provide a stone for the bride to stand on to signify her faithfulness and loyalty to the marriage.

13. Ask the groom's brother to sprinkle puffed rice for prosperity and flower petals on the couple after they exchange vows, following an ongoing Indian tradition.

14. Create a marriage mark on the bride's forehead with sedhu, or orange powder, to announce to the world that she is now married. After the mark is applied, the couple should touch each parent's feet and receive their parents' blessings.

6. Offer food and alternate entertainment to occupy the guests during the wedding ceremony. (Eating, drinking and talking during the ceremonial events is accepted practice at Hindu weddings.)

7. Order garlands of flowers that the bride and groom will exchange during the ceremony, often along with rings, to symbolize acceptance and welcome.

8. Bring a gold necklace if you would like to include the "tying the knot" ritual, in which the groom ties the necklace around the bride's neck.

9. Include a portion of the ceremony (known as the saptapadi portion in Hindi) in which the bride and groom take seven steps together toward a long and happy marriage, praying for blessings such as wealth, happiness, strength and devotion with each step.

Tips:

In the past, most Hindu marriages were arranged by the family. Today, though, it has become more acceptable for couples to meet on their own. Yet even in modern "love marriages," the family remains an important part of the wedding ceremony.

Consider other rituals that take place before and after the wedding that you might want to perform.

Prepare an edible dowry for the bride to give to the groom's family. This can include pastries and other tasty treats.

Remember that a Hindu wedding is more of a community gathering or party than a quiet, serious event.

I take hold of your hand for good fortune, so that with me, your husband, you may attain to old age. The gods, Bhaga, Aryaman, Savitur and Pushan gave you to me for leading the life of a householder. (Rig Veda X. 85.36)

A marriage blessing

Bounteous Indra, endow this bride with great sons and fortune. Give her ten sons and make the husband the eleventh. (Rig Veda X.85.46)

While Tying the Sacred Thread

O maiden of many auspicious qualities, I tie this sacred thread around your neck for my long life. May you live happily for a hundred years!

Hinduism and Marriage

According to Hinduism, a marriage between two persons is a sacred relationship that is not limited to this life alone. It extends across seven or more lives, during which the couple help each other progress spiritually. The adage that marriages are made in heaven is very much true in case of Hinduism. Two souls come together and marry because their karmas are intertwined and they have to resolve many things together upon earth in order to ensure their mutual salvation.

The relationship between a couple is essentially a relationship of the souls. It is not necessary that their gender roles are fixed for ever. Some times they may switch roles and the husband may become the wife and the wife the husband. Sometimes they may also temporarily part their ways and come together again after one or two lives in a grand reunion.

Marriage in Hinduism is a sacred relationship. Hindu marriage tradition recognizes seven different types of marriage, ranging from the popularly known arranged marriages to the extremely rare and forced marriages through abduction. Generally most of the marriages are arranged with the consent of the bride and the bridegroom and the blessings of the elders. Caste, family background, financial status of the groom, appearance and character of the bride and the bridegroom, the willingness of the parents are some important considerations in  arranged marriages. 

One of the important ceremonies associated with Hindu marriages is the handing over ceremony (bidai), which bears a lot of sentimental significance for the girl's family. During this ceremony the bride is handed over to the bridegroom and his parents by the brides parents, amidst a display of rare emotions, with a request to look after their daughter for the rest of her life. After this, the bride leaves her parents house permanently to spend the rest of her life in her husband's house.

Hindus accept registered marriages also as a part of the social changes that are sweeping across their society. But many would prefer a traditional marriage for the sake of the sentimental thrill that is associated with them.

A few simple and straight facts about Hindu marriages:

1. Hindus consider marriage as a sacred relationship, between two souls, not just two bodies.

2. Hindus believe that the marriage relationship extends beyond one life.

3. In the traditional marriage, the bride and the bridegroom are considered as divinities. The bride is first married to gods and then placed under the bridegroom's protection as a gift from gods.

One of the evils of Hindu marriages is the ubiquitous dowry system. The amount of dowry can be a very substantial amount, even in dollar terms, depending upon the financial status of the parties involved. Sometimes greedy mother-in-laws and husbands subject the poor brides to innumerable hardships for not meeting their expectations in respect of the dowry. Cases of bride burning are not unknown. Indian penal code prescribes severe punishment for such acts. But the cases take years and decades before the courts deliver justice.

In arranged marriages the marriage is consummated through elaborate ceremonies presided over by a Vedic priest well versed in Vedic mantras. The marriage date is fixed after consulting the astrological charts and then invitations are sent. Before the marriage date, both the parties spend a lot of time in preparation and exchange of gifts. On the marriage day, the bride and the bridegroom and relations on both sides assemble in a public auditorium or a temple premises and participate in an elaborate ceremony conducted by a priest. The marriage ceremony is generally a lengthy affair. A lot of vedic mantras are chanted during the ceremony, while a band plays on in the back ground. All the guests are entertained with food and beverages. Meat and alcohol are not generally served during such ceremonies, except in some communities.

5. Hindu marriage tradition recognizes the importance of a woman in the family. She is expected to share the responsibilities of the household like a goddess (grihalakshmi) and enjoy the love and care of her husband and children.

6. According to Hindu marriage Act 1955 passed in India, the eligible age for marriage is 21 years in case of a boy and 18 years in case of a girl. This law has been passed mainly to ban child marriages.